Sometimes I’m upset and I don’t know why. Other times I’m upset and I think I know why.

I’m learning for every negative emotion like anger, sadness, and depression, there’s a deeper reason hidden deep in my heart and the only way to discover it is to ask questions that make me dig for deeper answers. It’s alot easier to blame other people for my problems or blame them for my anger, but the truth is I’m usually mad at you because I’m mad at me.

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A few years ago I was venting to a friend and he explained a concept called the “5 Whys.” It’s a simple exercise, but isn’t for the faint of heart, because once you decide to use the “5 whys” you have to take responsibility for yourself and your emotions and stop blaming someone else. By asking the “5 why’s” somewhere around answer #4 you’ll start getting to the truth. However, this only works if you’re brutally honest with yourself, which means it may take some time to find the answer the deeper you go. Here is how it works.

Get a piece a paper and a pen and at the top of the paper write down this question, “Why am I upset?” For example, “Why am I upset I didn’t get a raise?” or “Why am I upset my airplane flight is delayed?” or “Why am I upset Donald Trump is President?” Whatever you’re angry about write the answer underneath at the top of the page. Now ask yourself “why?” at least 5 times.

Keep asking “why?” until you get to the real issue.The problem is not something they did to me, the problem is something in me.

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